Survivorship

It’s an odd title, but that was the subject line of the video call I just had. 

Survivorship: "How to rejoin normal life" - with normal primary doctor visits, and normal foods and activities with no restrictions to speak of.

I’ve got a bone survey appointment tomorrow morning with a PET scan following that.  There will be labs in the afternoon, followed by a bone marrow biopsy.   Then on Thursday it’s the "Bone Marrow Transplant 100 Day Anniversary" doctor visit.  Not sure if there is cake or coffee served.  I’ll wait to be surprised.  

The anniversary present will be - nothing -  no doctors, no lab draws, and nothing invasive until my "One Year Transplant Anniversary" visit in late September.

 

That’s it. 

Nothing else on the "cancer calendar" until the fall.  Then one year after that.

Knock on wood! 

But all of that is burying the lede. 

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2020 Into 2021 And Beyond

What I’m really here to write about is the year that COVID-19 and I have put Nancy through. And to look ahead to this new year. 

You may recall last November.  Nancy was out having Sunday brunch with Donna V. and Jim D.  with me at home with the dogs when our family doctor called to tell me to go to the U of M hospital right now where an oncologist is waiting to check me in because I have cancer all over my body.  Run-on sentence intended.  It was a blur.

I had to call Nancy to tell her this.  And ask if she could meet me at the hospital. 

Since that moment, and the added terror of COVID thrown at us in February, Nancy has not had a moments respite from worrying about me.  And I couldn’t love her more for that.

I’ve tried to be a good patient.  I really have.  I’ve tried to be a loving husband.  And, by not reminding and showing her more how much I appreciate her love and care, haven’t done a very good of a job of it.  She’s been worried at times, scared at times, and terrified at times.  Most of all she’s been all of that while being the caregiver you could only dream about at ALL times.  I couldn’t love her more for that.

If I was dizzy, she was searching our paperwork to see why.  If I couldn’t sleep, she searched.  If there was anything that concerned me, or worried me, she searched.  All to make me feel better and worry less.  I couldn’t love her more for that.

She was on top of all my meds and appointments.  Taking notes – knowing how forgetful I can be.  She was on top of all the foods I should be eating that might make me feel better, or were cancer fighting, or that could help me put on some weight that I lost during this process.  I couldn’t love her more for that.

The times I was sick from chemo?  She was there for me.  Cleaning up when I made an embarrassing mess of myself.  Rubbing my back if I was nauseated and kneeling in the bathroom.  And I couldn’t love her more for that.  

She has put her life on hold for me. For me.  Totally. Literally.  Do you know what that’s like?  I wish I would have told her more often how much that means to me.  And how I want to make it up to her.

Nancy doesn’t see friends or family, doesn’t go to stores, and doesn’t visit anyone.  All because she doesn’t want to bring any germs home to me.  Not exaggerating a bit, I’ll bet we could count on one hand with fingers left over how many times she’s left the house since March.   

Reminding me to wash my hands if I go anywhere, to disinfect in the car and wash again when I get home.  She's even made signs around the house to remind me of masks, of disinfecting things, and flushing chemo laden toilets twice. 

All in all, spoiling me with kindness and care.  Nearly 14 months of having my back.  Choosing my care above her own.

Summing up Nancy?  I don’t have the words to accurately convey what she’s meant to me throughout this ordeal.  She’s been rock solid.  Lifting me up when I needed it.  Taking care of me at all times.  Feeding me physically, spiritually, and lovingly. 

She wouldn’t know how to not care for me.  And her family, and her friends for that matter.  Ask any one of them.  They’ll tell you there’s no one like her.  I’ve said many times before, she’s the one who does the things we all wish we had done after the fact. She always knows what to say.  How to make things better.

My wish is to do and be for her what she does for me.  And with the New Year comes a dedication and renewed pride in being Nancy Mitchell’s husband.  Being more for her.  Being the partner she needs and the husband she wants.

 

 

Multiple myeloma never truly goes away. 

But now that I’m in remission – and hope to be for years to come. I’m reminded of what one of the patients on mymyelomateam.com said about being in remission. 

Paraphrasing…

“It means continued testing to make sure I’m still there, in remission.  It's a club where I pay the dues, and every month check to see if I’m still a member.”

With Nancy’s help I plan on being around for many years to come.  I’m sure I’ll miss the release of Roddy McDowell’s memoirs, but I’m going to do my best.  Because I have a lot of making up to do.  Making Nancy’s life better.  Making it about her.  She deserves that from me.

Happy New Year to you and yours! 

---

 

Sade - "I Couldn't Love You More "
1992 Love Deluxe

Lyrics:

I couldn't love you more
If time was running out
Couldn't love you more
Oh right now baby
Take me by the hand come on
Be my darling be the one
I wouldn't want to lay or ever love with another
If everyone in the world
Could give me what I wanted
I wouldn't want for more than I have
I couldn't love you more if I tried

I couldn't love you more boy
I couldn't love you more boy

'cuz darling I'm on your side
I really am on your side
My love I'm on your side
Oh right now baby

I couldn't love you more boy
Stay exactly how you are
I couldn't love you more boy
Couldn't love you more
I couldn't love you more boy
Stay exactly how you are
I couldn't love you more boy
Couldn't love you more

If everyone in the world
Would give me their treasure
I would not want for more
Than I have right now

Comments

[Kevin Giersdorf]

Dan,
I am so happy to hear of your remission. I am so happy you have your wonderful wife there with you, for you. Long may you run. God's speed and have the best new year ever.

[Dan Culhane]

Thanks Kevin! I appreciate the sentiment. You have yourself a Merry Little New Year too!

~Dan

[Susan Bekefi]

Soulmates. ❤️❤️